[Please note: this post is written from a Christian perspective, and so the thoughts and musing here may not resonate if you are not open to the Christian perspective/world view... If you fall into that camp, I ask that you be kind & respectful, just as I have been kind & respectful to you over the years x]
It's definitely been a while since I posted anything on the Womb Wisdom blog (or anywhere else for that matter!).
There are so many reasons for my absence and I've been wondering the best way to share everything that's been going on in my head... I'm settling on writing a blog post as it's probably the only option that provides me with enough digital characters to fully express all the reasons I've been away (I suggest you grab a cuppa)...
1) I Got Married!
My partner and I tied the knot in March! Planning and executing a wedding during a pandemic was both challenging and emotionally draining, to say the least! We had to change our date multiple times, change our reception venue, change caterers, change dresses (well my husband didn't, but I did lol) etc.
It was a really stressful process but I'm grateful both the wedding and the reception went well. You can watch our wedding highlight video here if you missed me sharing it on my Instagram stories.
2) I Bought A House!
In the same week of the wedding, I also completed on my first home!
Planning a wedding and buying a house at the same time nearly pushed me over the edge. The house-buying process had taken 5.5 months and we'd been planning our wedding for over a year.
Going straight back to work on the Monday following the wedding also didn't help with my stress levels... I was so burned out by the end of everything, that a few weeks later I ended up being signed off work due to stress for a couple of weeks and referred for counselling/therapy.
3) Spiritual Re-birth
Back to the wedding...
Getting married in a church made me reflect on the meaning & purpose of marriage and what 'God' meant to me since there were many references during the ceremony to God's design for marriage, what the Bible teaches about marriage, how to be a godly wife etc.
'God' used to mean something to me- I'd grown up as a Christian, chose to get baptised in 2015, and used to pray and read the Bible regularly. However, I'd lost that sense of connection to God since starting 'From Felicia'.
As early as during the marriage-prep process, I felt like I was living a double life... I kept asking myself 'why am I getting married in a church when I no longer resonated with neither Christianity nor the Bible?'
Since starting 'From Felicia' in 2019, I'd drifted away from my Christian faith because I spent most of my time learning about things that ultimately are warned against and forbidden in the Bible (things that basically can be grouped under the umbrellas of 'occult practices' and 'paganism'... crystal energy & healing, nature worship, worshiping our selves and or our bodies etc.)
My role models were women who were yoga teachers, who worshiped goddesses, who prayed to their ancestors, who were reiki healers etc. I immersed myself in learning about 'womb wisdom' i.e.
seeing the womb as a divine portal or energy gateway;
seeing the womb, female body & the menstrual cycle as having equal divinity to God itself and so things to be worshipped & revered;
connecting with divine feminine energy; and
healing from traumas and imbalances that are (supposedly) housed in our physical womb, energetic womb, and reproductive area.
I taught as I learned while also creating and selling products that claimed to 'help you connect with your divine feminine energy', to 'open your heart chakra', to 'heal from womb trauma' and other similar unbiblical claims.
This type of language and belief system started to make me feel very uncomfortable after my Christian wedding. The wedding sparked a desire in me to rekindle my relationship with God. I essentially wanted to devote myself to being a 'godly wife' but felt that I was getting an internal message saying that I could not do that while also experimenting with things the things I listed above (womb wisdom, yoga etc.).
I, therefore, had to make a choice between whether I continued on the 'spiritual' path I [thought] was on, or whether I rerouted to seeking the Creator through Jesus and the Bible. After weeks of deliberating, I chose the latter.
(Now, the reason I felt inner conflict/resistance about this decision wasn't that it didn't intuitively feel right- it was because I was afraid of what this change meant for 'From Felicia' and how my Instagram followers would respond to it, as I knew 99% aren't Christians and many have chosen to be against Christianity and any form of organised religion.)
Choosing Jesus has given me a sense of peace about my spiritual destiny going forward, but as for my business- I honestly don't know what the future holds for 'From Felicia'. I want to honour God in everything I do, post, and create and so have become comfortable with the prospect of potentially having to close 'From Felicia' if at some point I feel that what I'm doing and sharing isn't glorifying God...
... In the short term, I've decided I'll definitely stop posting about 'womb wisdom' and using yoni eggs and yoni steaming for anything other than their physical benefits. I'm also considering no longer collaborating with non-Christian entrepreneurs and I think I'll definitely change my product labelling this year to remove any new-age connotations from my work.
RE my previous Instagram and blog posts...
I'm working to gradually delete or archive any previous posts I've shared online that ultimately support 'womb wisdom', goddess worship, nature worship and anything else of the likes. I'm now on a path of exploring natural medicine and trauma healing without a new age lens and so no longer feel comfortable leaving this content available to those who come across my page (this will be another gradual process, as it will take time to sift through all of my content).
I know this is a major shift/change for some of you to digest.
It's honestly so scary to share how I've been feeling over the past few months because my absence has been routed majorly in no longer feeling connected to messaging behind 'womb wisdom'- the work most of you know and discovered me by. I'm changing and yes, I've definitely 'changed', and I know some of you will decide to unfollow me, unsubscribe, think I've 'lost my mind' etc. My online sales have decreased by over 60% because I haven't been posting on Instagram, and I know they'll probably decrease further now that I'm sharing this post.
It's scary leaving a community that you know, but I feel ready for this change and my only priority now really is to just live a life that's pleasing to God and that shares the true gospel i.e. that He alone is our healer and that all healing and wisdom comes through God.
My plans for the next few weeks...
As I still believe in the physical benefits of yoni steaming, pelvic floor exercises, and using certain herbs to help with female issues, I've chosen not to close 'From Felicia' and will instead work on adapting the messaging & branding.
I want to learn what God has to say about our wombs, sex, the patriarchy, and more, so I've purchased a book & online course about the theology of the womb and another book on developing a connection to our bodies in a Christian way. I'll also be purchasing a book on patriarchy and how the Bible- contrary to popular belief- overturns male-dominated hierarchy and another on how the Bible champions women in all forms of leadership.
I'm aware we're all constantly learning & evolving on this life journey and so what we believe at a particular point in time may change in the future. As such, I continue to remain open to learning and hope that you too will be open to learning about womb care, yoni steaming, trauma release and connecting to our bodies from a faith-based perspective.
This is going to be a thought-provoking journey and I encourage you to stick with me as I re-birth.
Thank you to those of you who have supported me thus far.